Friendship Is More Foundational Than Family

A person with deep social needs can thrive without strong family relationships.  In fact, they can even thrive without a family to begin with!  However, that person cannot live comfortably without strong friendships of some sort, though those friendships might be found within family in some circumstances.  Family does not have a monopoly on relational intimacy, and the most foundational relationships in our lives are often found outside of family (here, by family I am referring to parents, siblings, and extended family, not to spouses).

The importance of family relationships is nonetheless largely overstated by people who have been conditioned from a young age to regard family as more significant than almost anything else.  There is no logical or Biblical reason to automatically treat family members with a greater level of respect than one would show others, and there are even serious dangers associated with doing so [1].  Nevertheless, there are prominent social pressures in Western culture, especially in the church, that encourage a gratuitous focus on family.

Even the presence of these visible social pressures does not persuade people to consistently live out a family-centric lifestyle as they grow older, of course.  When facing major life problems, would the average adult talk to their friends or parents and/or siblings first?  In many cases, people would first reach out to their closest friends, even if only to let them know about the issues in question.  Furthermore, they might not even bring up their struggles to their parents, or at least not to the same extent that they do with their friends!

The friendships of many often become deeper than their relationships with biological family members, even though many people live under the same roof as their parents and siblings.  It is not rare for someone to even share very specific, personal information about their past or their true self with their friends even as they withhold that same information from actual family members.  Some people might share themselves more with their family, but whether they choose to do so or not is only a matter of personal preference or social conditioning.

When someone is not raised in a manner that pressures or directly encourages them to invest more effort into their family relationships than their friendships, he or she is quite likely to develop friendships more than relationships with their parents, brothers, or sisters (if they have any siblings).  There is no reason to view potential feelings of guilt as valid when this is the case!  Instead, those with friendships that possess depth and intimacy should celebrate those qualities of their relationships, even if their familial relationships are unspectacular or nonexistent.


[1].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2019/05/a-myth-about-obligation-to-family.html