Genuine Romantic Affection Is Egalitarian

Complementarianism is not only logically and Biblically false, but it also has a great potential for weakening or destroying the quality of marriages.  As many people would readily admit, romantic affection can easily be amplified or obstructed by behaviors.  Worldviews inevitably influence actions, and actions inevitably influence relationships.  Therefore, false worldviews have the power to harm relationships that otherwise might have flourished.

A complementarian is certainly capable of having affection for his or her spouse, but that affection will at most be incomplete, ignorant, and somewhat hollow.  It will not be as genuine as true egalitarian affection.  The reasons for this are simple: complementarianism inherently contradicts individualism, and individualism is necessary to see someone's true personality and proficiencies.  Complementarians often have affection for the complementarian ideal of their spouses, whereas egalitarians can show and celebrate their true selves.

Affection is hindered when it is rooted in an illusory or mistaken understanding of the person for whom one harbors that affection.  With an absence of affection, of course, comes an absence of intimacy.  The suppression or neglect of individuality inevitably results in a forfeit of at least some relational closenes.  After all, anyone who has silenced or overlooked parts of themselves simply because they are a man or a woman does not fully understand their true self and potential.  How, then, can their spouses understand them?  Their spouses only know the complementarian facade that social pressures have formed!

In contrast to this, an egalitarian can love his or her spouse (or dating partner) as an individual and appeciate their unique talents, desires, and motivations; an egalitarian does not love a version of their spouse that is wrapped in the fables of gender stereotypes, whereas a consistent complementarian whose spouse does not fit the stereotypes must love a mythical "ideal" version of them.  It should be obvious how this arrangement deprives a couple of potential closeness.

Complementatian love, except in the handful of cases where a couple naturally lives out traditional roles without cultural conditioning, is at best incomplete.  At worst, complementarian spouses are so disconnected from each other's natural personalities that they can scarcely be said to love each other as they are.  Instead, they love a distorted version of their husband or wife, a version of them that only exists due to cultural pressures and ignorance of their true individuality.

One of the quickest pathways to marital intimacy is found when each member of a couple treats the other as an individual, recognizing that their gender is only a distinction of their physical bodies, not a sign of psychological traits.  More than individualism alone is necessary for a thriving marriage, of course, but individualism remains one of the best outward indicators of marital health.  Complementarianism is false irrespective of whether egalitarianism has any utilitarian benefits, and yet those benefits are blatant and powerful.