One marriage could be loveless or full of hostility, and another could be teeming with contentment, peace, and a sense of fulfillment, even if not rooted in the only things that could legitimize that fulfillment (reason, morality, and so on). People who believe marriage is a "trap" are assuming that marriage can only take this one form. Of course a given marriage could be a draining, confining, hurtful trap. A marriage could also be life-giving, objectively deep, and subjectively enjoyable at the same time. When someone thinks or says that marriage is a negative thing, they are always committing one of two errors. Relying on assumptions and perceptions instead of reason either way, they are by necessity believing that a new relationship would inevitably be just as bad as one they have already experienced/observed (the fallacy of composition) or, without ever being in a marriage at all (which is not necessary to know any of these things through logic), believing that it will be bad by default.
Yes, marriage to an unrepentantly irrational person--which could mean they are assumption-driven, selfish, superficial, hypocritical, abusive, or marked by any other manifestation of irrationality--is on one level far worse than being single for any duration could ever be. Their very presence is a disgrace to the nature of reality that they are too pathetic to acknowledge, so being married to them is at best baseless and futile and at worst absolutely hellacious. Rushing to be dating or married for the sake of being in a romantic partnership is just as stupid as rushing to dissolve a workable or thriving marriage. An intelligent person wants nothing short of a rationalist, even an imperfect one, and will not settle for an inferior kind of spouse or would absolutely not be opposed to separation or divorce under the right circumstances (Biblically, there is far more than just one condition that allows for this [1], but anti-theonomy eisegesis has stopped many from realizing such a thing).
A marriage where one or both spouses make it their goal to make their spouse miserable for being sexually attracted to other people or acting on it in certain ways (as if this is betrayal!), for being an individual person,
for being rationalistically superior to them (if applicable), or for any other illegitimate or petty reason is certainly a terrible thing. It is better in one sense to separate or divorce or to, as the rational/superior spouse, be as harsh as reason calls for in one's words and attitude than to waste away in an objectively suffocating relationship. Marriage could not be worth more than such things if anything is morally valuable to begin with. The necessary truths of reason, bowing to them, and celebrating one's individuality as expressed in any morally permissible way are not what many marriages seem to be based on, but they and things connected with them are only foundations of a worthwhile, healthy, strong marriage. They are more important by far.
Marriage is not inherently a trap. A wonderful marriage could sink into decay if either partner allows it to, though, just as a horrendously pathetic marriage could be salvaged into something rooted in reason, communication, love, and justice if both people are willing. Either a truly awful marriage could have been avoided from the outset, in favor of no marriage or a relationship with a better person, or it could have been mended at a prior time or perhaps even rectified in the present and future. Even if every marriage in human history was like this, it would not be because marriage can only be this way. A marriage is just a marriage. Each partner has a role in making their relationship whatever they want it to be. Now, they might want something stupid or immoral out of their marriage, or they might want something rational. People are individuals. No marriage will necessarily be the same between two different sets of people for this reason alone. It will not necessarily begin as something catastrophic or wind up that way later on. It all depends on the people. Which kind of logically possible marriage do they want and will they work as needed to achieve their goal, whether it is rational or irrational?
[1]. See posts like these for more elaboration:
No comments:
Post a Comment