I rather enjoy demolishing asinine beliefs about male and female sexuality! And any rational, complete treatment of sexuality in marriage must address how gender stereotypes are inherently illogical. Healthy marital sexuality requires an accurate understanding of the sexuality of each partner, unmarred by assumptions and ignorance. In my culture men are largely viewed as sex-crazed beings and it is not uncommon for women to be viewed as semi-asexual beings. Every aspect of these beliefs is pitifully incorrect, logically erroneous, and foreign to the Bible, and married men and women need to know these things.
The sexual desires of women are not nonexistent just because male sexual desires--often a fallacious, untrue exaggeration of them--receive more public attention. As my society elevates a false conception of male sexuality, it often withholds the same level of concern for female sexuality. American culture glorifies a fallacious misrepresentation of male sexuality. I've written about the asinine myth that "men are visual" before [1]--I am not saying that no men are visual but that being "visual" has nothing to do with being male or female and that no human is without the capacity for rationality, self-control, and experiencing and enjoying sexual attraction and feelings without objectifying someone, lusting after someone, or wanting to commit a sexual sin (each of the three is entirely distinct [2]).
Many times my female friends have affirmed to me that women harbor deep visual attraction and sexual desires. I routinely mock the myths about male sexuality and how "men are visual" quite routinely with some of them! As I have said before, "visuality" and sexual desire fluctuate from person to person [3]; having strong sexual desires has nothing to do with being either a man or a woman, but everything to do with the respective characteristics of an individual person.
Logic totally undermines social conditioning and can liberate men and women alike from false, damaging, unbiblical notions about gender and sexual desire. The Bible, despite being represented differently concerning this matter by some rather moronic people, very openly acknowledges female sexual desire (Genesis 37's story of Potiphar's wife is an excellent example).
Consistent egalitarians--and genuine rationalists--will not be surprised when men and women behave in ways very different than what society expects. The sexual desires of women should be acknowledged and treated just as seriously as that of males, and rational people will not make cultural assumptions about the sexual desires of males. Couples should show mutual concern for each others' sexualities, for sexuality is not a one sided thing that is about one gender more than the other. A husband's sexual fulfillment is not more important than the sexual fulfillment of his wife, and vice versa. Christian women need not panic when they experience fierce sexual passions and Christian men need not think there is something wrong with them when they do not experience sexual desire. The truth can set people free from the shackles of fallacies and lies.
Husbands and wives are not bound to helplessly assume false things about their own sexualities because they are men or women. They are to let "mutual consent" (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) govern their sexual behaviors, and a wife's sexual fulfillment and desires are no less serious than those of a husband. If Christian spouses understand reason and Scripture, they can avoid the entirely gratuitous problems that could arise if they do not. Misunderstandings about how husbands and wives will act or experience things because of their genders are totally avoidable. All it takes to prevent misunderstandings here is honest communication, a proper understanding of the Bible, and a solid grasp of logic.
Lies about gender and sexuality can poison relationships, in part or in whole. Such lies are no small issue. Thankfully, reason weeds them out very quickly. Spouses do not need to remain confined by gender stereotypes or a contra-Biblical understanding of how sexuality is experienced by men and women.
[1]. See here:
A. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/04/women-are-visual.html
B. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-folly-of-modesty-part-1.html
C. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-folly-of-modesty-part-2.html
[2]. See here:
A. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/07/sexual-self-stimulation.html
B. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/05/bikinis-are-not-sinful.html
[3]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/08/book-criticism-preparing-to-be-help.html
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