Dating: "Opposites Attract"?

In dating, sometimes people offer advice that really isn't as brilliant as they mistakenly think it is.  The cliche phrase "opposites attract" is in this category.  My parents insisted to me earlier in my life that this is indeed inevitably the case.  Before I show how dangerous this belief can be, I'm going to prove them wrong.  But make no mistake: those who want a healthy relationship, in dating and in eventual marriage, need to seriously consider if pairing with an "opposite" is really the most intelligent thing to do.  It isn't inherently destructive!  It still isn't inherently natural or intrinsically conducive to a strong relationship.

Not everyone is attracted to opposites.  I know for sure that I sure as hell am not, at least in a great many areas!  For instance, I, a big extrovert, would be totally fine with an introvert girlfriend or spouse--depending on how introverted she is--but I certainly prefer an extrovert like myself.  I definitely could not tolerate someone with a different epistemology or metaphysic, though, but I recognize this is a difference in worldview and not strictly in personality.  When people assert that "opposites attract", as if opposites in personalities are inherently attracted to each other, they commit the fallacy of composition.  Some people may be attracted to a different personality (introverts to extroverts or vice versa, for example).  Some may not be.  The fallacy here lies in extrapolating from a certain group of people to people in general.  But it can be very relationally dangerous when two true opposites enter a relationship of this type.

Here are some ways that opposites could end up being terrible for each other in the long-term relationship that Christians should be searching for in their dating life.  A huge extrovert and a major introvert could make a horrible pair.  One would almost always want social stimulation and conversation, and the other would almost always need isolation to energize.  The two could end up draining each other very quickly.  Likewise, an asexual and someone with a high sex drive could prove a terrible match.  Unless each partner understands the other, this difference in sexual natures could frustrate one or both very quickly.  Opposite personalities can easily lead to a lot of strife, misunderstanding, anger, and general unease.  There are definitely ways to navigate each of these differences, yet it is still very, for lack of a better word, stupid to charge into a romantic or marital relationship with someone who truly is an "opposite".  One must think about how these differences will affect the everyday interactions of dating partners or spouses.  I have to think about these things since I am a huge extrovert and an asexual myself!

Of course, as far as ideological differences are concerned, it is rarely not entirely pointless to knowingly date someone who doesn't share one's values (moral beliefs), metaphysics (for instance, theism or atheism), or major worldview goals.  Besides--wherever disagreement appears, someone is correct and someone is incorrect or neither party is correct.  Someone who isn't interested in amending his or her beliefs according to reality is not someone a committed Christian should waste time with.  Time is a fleeting resource, and people who aren't in the right place or headed in the right direction are not necessarily worth investing time and energy into, and Christians are told to only marry other Christians anyway (1 Corinthians 7:39).  A Christian should not marry someone who does not love God and who is not committed to him, and thus there is no legitimate reason for a Christian to have a dating relationship with a known non-Christian.

Beware the advice of others.  Whether the advice is about dating or something else, remember that most people probably aren't critical thinkers and are likely just, when it gets down to it, regurgitating whatever arbitrary advice was given to them by their parents or social structures.  Mistakes in dating or marriage can prove very costly.  If you want a strong relationship, don't just assume that the advice many people will offer is true.  Considering how ignorant a lot of people are, it may very well be shit.  Be careful about selecting the kind of person you enter into a relationship of this type with (if you seek such a relationship at all).