Saturday, June 29, 2024

Petty Marital Expectations

Deeply idiotic and selfish expectations, and petty ones at that, are not all that unusual as one actually gets to know various married couples.  Rather than impose no expectations that are not rooted strictly in reason or morality, with no subjectivist demands or bowing to social norms for the sake of conformity, many people approach dating and marriage with the stance that whatever they prefer is what they should receive.  A casual example is that of being uncontrollably furious or jealous if one's partner was to be flirted with or to flirt with someone else.  A petty, irrationalistic spouse might lash out or be bitter.  Not everyone would gravitate towards the same preferences or expectations even if none of them were to have forsaken philosophical assumptions, so there are other ways that people can express their pettiness in marriage.

It can go beyond the more popular nonsense like demanding that a spouse not keep or form new close opposite gender friendships, voice if they find someone else sexually attractive, or wear/not wear certain clothing around people of the opposite gender.  Some might also object to their partner not wearing their wedding ring in public at all times, remarrying after being hypothetically widowed in the future, or some other such thing.  Irrelevant, superficial, arbitrary (and thus epistemologically assumed) criteria are what this kind of insecure or egoistic person looks to in order to feel like their marriage is thriving, when these beliefs are not only false or emotionalistically motivated, but they are also potential distractions from the real problems in a marriage, such as selfishness or lack of communication.

I love wearing my wedding ring constantly because I cherish my wife, but if someone else does not wear theirs, it is not necessarily true that they have no personal attachment to their spouse or that they are attempting an affair.  Maybe they do not prefer the feel of always having it on their finger or, removing it to sleep, forget to put it back on in a rush of morning activities.  Someone else might be very personally offended that their partner would have this kind of attitude/approach to wedding rings.  It is just a ring, however.  It is not the relationship or a sign of anything having to do with marital health in itself.  In fact, a ring could be given or worn with utterly irrationalistic, hollow intentions.  In no way does it prove that a romantic relationship is strong.

A great degree of egoism is also needed, on the level of moral belief or amoral personal beliefs, to think that it is a betrayal to remarry or pursue another romantic connection after one's partner is gone.  This is like the idea that any previous dating relationship or marriage (which could have ended due to death or valid divorce rather than casual dissolution) is premature infidelity, the retrospective version of the notion.  Aside from the issue of legitimate polyamorous marriages, obviously, it cannot be infidelity to simply remarry after a beloved spouse is dead or to have already had romantic experiences before meeting/committing to one's spouse.  People who want to be their partner's "everything," an invalid and also personally crushing goal, are not satisfied with this.  They think they deserve more than genuine commitment for what it is.

Someone who is insecure, unwilling to avoid fallacies, and unwilling to correct their worldview and improve their emotional stability all together is an objectively terrible partner and cannot deserve any romantic happiness.  They either would deserve failure after failure in seeking out a marriage or just not deserve any relationship they have, since it would be based, on their end at a minimum, on falsities.  No one can deserve to be fulfilled or happy in anything but the truth since there could be no justification for belief or action unless something is both true and knowable.  Marriage is not about one person being subjectively gratified no matter what they desire.  It is a union of (hopefully) two rational, righteous people who have mutual affection and commitment towards each other irrespective of social constructs/norms like wearing rings.


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