Yes, this is a satirical article. Yes, no rational person believes the Bible teaches what you will read in the next three paragraphs (or their inverses). I'm simply drawing attention to how asinine it is when Christians say the opposite of what the next three paragraphs claim and then pretend that they are being Biblical. Enjoy.
Our culture has strayed far from God's intentions for how men and women should behave. Since Eve was created last in Genesis 2, God clearly intended for Adam to be subservient to her, as the fact that her appearance ended God's creation acts establishes that she was to preside over all the previous creations. The creation narrative affirms the distinct roles God assigned to men and women, for God intended for women to lead. Why else would he have made Eve last?
We can also see the unique closeness to God in the fact that Mary, a woman, gave birth to Jesus. This, too, shows the high status of women before God, for they are privileged with birthing the next generation, and this means that Jesus emerged from the womb of a woman. It's not that men and women aren't equal; they are, but women were created to serve a different role, and they have a special closeness to God as a result, as the creation of Eve shows and Mary giving birth to Jesus demonstrate. It is not sexism for men to follow women; it is a privilege!
Men need to understand this about women and God's design for them. They also need to be attentive to the way that God designed the female gender. As Scripture so obviously evidences, women are very visual creatures. Just think of Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39. She typifies how women can be tempted to sin by male bodies, and we men need to respect this--and there are also the sisters of Ezekiel 23, who are described as lusting after the bodies of foreign men. We males need to make sure we cover our bodies so that we don't make women fall into sin, and this is especially important in an era where men expose their bodies publicly, seeing nothing shameful about the exposure of their bodies.
My culture has fled from these truths. It's time we welcomed the right roles and nature of women.
Alright, as I said at the top, the middle contents of this post aren't rational or true at all! Would I be reaching correct conclusions about what the Bible teaches if I truly believed the claims here? Not at all! If I believed the Bible teaches this nonsense, I would be reading foreign positions into the text, contradicting what the text actually says, and then claiming that my new heresy is true. Likewise, the complementarian model is foreign to Scripture [1]. It distorts, adds, assumes, and misinterprets. Complementarianism is nothing but non sequiturs attached to assumptions and sexist errors. God made men and women equally in his image and assigned to both genders the responsibility of stewarding creation (Genesis 1:26-28). Paul teaches mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
Some types of complementarianism are not necessarily as damaging as others. For instance, the modesty teachings I referenced above have nothing to do with the concept of basic complementarianism in itself, but complementarianism can often be paired with them. Not all forms of complementarianism rely on as many stereotypes as others. Not all manifestations of complementarianism are as sexist as others, but they are all sexist to some degree [2]. But they are all fallacious and untrue.
[1]. See here:
A. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-error-of-complementarian-arguments.html
B. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/02/why-ephesians-5-does-not-teach-rigid.html
[2]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/11/complementarianism-is-inherently-sexist.html
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