One Flesh Intimacy

Genesis 2:24 introduces the phrase "one flesh" in reference to what it means for a woman and man to freely marry each other.  Even though platonic friends can experience a oneness in their relationship that contains all elements of deep marital oneness except for the romantic and sexual aspects, the context of the phrase in Genesis is plainly one of marriage.  As two partners come together psychologically and even physically, a couple can experience an intimacy that is so thorough and so immense that it is as close to being a single person as possible.  Reading the end of Genesis 2, one can see that the Bible does not elaborate on this phrase, but there are blatant components to the idea of relational oneness--and things that are distinctly not a part of this type of bond.

"One flesh" intimacy is a oneness of commitment that arises in its strongest form when a couple shares the same worldview (in a very precise sense beyond just vague generalities), have deep awareness of each other's personalities, and strive for the wellbeing of the other and not just of their own self.  This degree of intimacy is what all romantic partnerships could have if both parties seek a partner with rationalism, egalitarianism, self-awareness, and a strong resolve.  It is not an ideal that has no place in actual human life, and all who understand or taste this kind of relational unity could easily see how the strength of a relationship where two think and act together like this is no small thing.

Having intimacy to the point of becoming one flesh does not mean that a married couple is something other than two distinct persons who might be sexually or romantically attracted to other members of the opposite gender.  It does not mean that relational obstacles will never arise and need to be worked past.  It does not mean that the autonomy and individuality of either partner is eroded.  It does not mean that any partner's friendships with people of either gender should be sacrificed for the sake of intimacy.  It does not mean that a couple can satisfy all of the pair's social needs and desires without other relationships.  It does not mean that sexual feelings for other members of the opposite gender should be ignored or feared.

Becoming one unit comprised of two distinct persons, in other words, does not forsake individuality or entail any of the legalistic constructs some Christians might falsely associate with it.  The deepest kind of relational intimacy is a life-giving status that does not suffocate either partner's flourishing.  Indeed, what kind of oneness brings about the destruction of an individual's life?  A denial of individuality and the fact that there is far more to even life as a married couple than marriage itself are inherently harmful to a relationship built on a mutual love of truth.  Any idea of marriage that sets up a couple as all the relationship needs is false and, moreover, poisonous to marital health at the start.

A couple becoming one flesh, something that in its truest sense encompasses more than just physical intimacy, is the best way to ensure their relationship lasts, but it is also the best way to experience freedom as an individual in a marriage--after all, only misrepresentations of the "one flesh" concept actually weaken a couple's stability as separate people and as united partners.  There is nothing but gain for those who select a compatible marriage partner and bond with them on a holistic level: not just romantically and sexually, but in a broader emotional sense, as well as intellectually.  Genesis neither describes an impossible ideal nor a total merging of beings.  A husband and wife will always be themselves even when their intimacy is indescribable.