For clarity's sake, I will revisit what Exodus 22:16-17 does and does not say about what evangelicals would refer to as premarital sex. These verses teach that if an unengaged, unmarried man and an unengaged, unmarried woman have mutually consensual sex, they have a Biblical obligation to marry (with several limited but possible exceptions). They do not condemn the couple in any way for sleeping together, at least given that they marry afterwards. The Bible is not opposed to mere premarital sex (in the sense of sex prior to a legal marriage) in any way; it is noncommittal, casual sex that the Bible condemns [1]. But what about other sexual behaviors involving partners?
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| The idea that sex prior to legal marriage is intrinsically immoral is a long-standing myth of legalists. |
Even if premarital intercourse was universally sinful, it would not follow that lesser sexual activities, like oral sex or mutual masturbation, would be sinful in a premarital context as well. There is an enormous difference between having sex and engaging in alternate, secondary behaviors with a partner that are still explicitly sexual in nature. However, because the Bible does not condemn all premarital sex, demonstrating that these other activities are not sinful even in a premarital setting is far simpler than even this.
Casual sex (intercourse) is clearly immoral by Biblical standards. If a dating couple merely commits sexual acts short of intercourse, like the aforementioned example of oral sex, the same obligation to marry is not present. Not only does the Bible nowhere prescribe this, but it emphasizes repeatedly that adding to God's moral revelation is itself sinful in Deuteronomy 4:2 and elsewhere. Unless it follows with absolute logicality from a Biblical command that something not specifically mentioned by the Bible is sinful, the Biblical stance is that the thing in question is not sinful on the Christian worldview [2].
Christian couples who ask where to draw the line in enjoying physical/sexual affection short of premarital sex while dating, if they think there are moral lines to be crossed in this area, are asking the wrong question--they are merely assuming that there is a point past which they sin if they enjoy each other's bodies in a sexual way without having sex outside of a committed relationship. Instead, they should ask themselves what they feel comfortable with. Years of contrived legalism have distorted the way that many Christian couples approach the issue.
As long as they do not commit an act of defined sexual sin, which includes noncommittal intercourse, they do not sin. There is no objective line for this matter revealed by either Biblical teachings or the logical ramifications of Biblical teachings. As 1 John 3:4 and Romans 7:7 affirm, like Deuteronomy 4:2 does, according to the Christian worldview, there are no moral obligations other than those revealed by God in the Bible.
The specifics of many subjects often go unaddressed. The particulars of Biblical sexual ethics are far more complex--and yet simultaneously far more simple--than many in the evangelical church dare to admit. Because few will ever describe the deeper details of philosophical and theological matters, it is important that those who understand them do so.
[1]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2016/08/on-exodus-2216-17.html
[2]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2018/07/identifying-sin.html
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