A Legalistic Fear Of Dating

In hyper-conservative Christian circles, there is an implied assumption that one should do everything in one's power to not date more people than is absolutely necessary, as if doing otherwise would violate some imaginary moral obligation.  This assumption is part of a network of larger errors that often drives conservatives to articulate and live out imbecilic ideas about dating, romantic attraction, and relationships in general.  It fuels unnecessary anxieties about dating, as well as a twisted understanding of relational commitment.

Going on a date does not mean that one has an obligation to eventually marry one's date!  If a person dates someone they are interested in, it is not as if they are locked into a permanent relationship.  It might come to their attention partway into a dating relationship that a clear worldview or personality difference would interfere with the relationship.  Ultimately, the idea that dating needs to be as minimal as possible prior to marriage can severely damage someone's view of relationships, bringing them to the point where they are unwilling to leave behind stagnant or shallow relationships for a superior one.

One can even date multiple people at once, even with the goal of a monogamous marriage at the end (though there is nothing sinful about polyamorous marriages [1]), since going on just one or on several dates with someone is not the same as committing to the prolonged process of dating that one person.  People can go on a date without having any idea if the relationship will progress to the point of marriage, even while actively considering multiple partners at once.  Dating can be a pleasurable, casual thing--casual in the sense of not being blown out of proportion--without sacrificing its primary purpose of helping a person select an eventual spouse.

There is no need for fear about dating itself.  The legalistic fear conservative Christians might harbor towards dating might not just keep them inside poor relationships, but might also prevent them from ever enjoying dating to begin with.  Indeed, some of them even think that dating "trains people for divorce," as if severing a legal marital relationship and discontinuing the process of dating are similar at all beyond an entirely superficial level!

Legalists, being the fallacious thinkers that they are, attempt to get people to associate innocent activities with danger, ironically hoping to keep people from sinning by sinning themselves (Deuteronomy 4:2).  The sword of rationalism fatally cuts through their asinine deceptions, exposing their fallacies for the untruths that they are.  Anyone who thinks that God wants people to absolutely date as few people as possible is mistaken.


[1].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2018/06/polygamy-and-polyandry.html