Saturday, September 28, 2024

Sex Is Not Worth More Than Safety From Abuse

The addition of explicitly romantic or sexual component to a relationship in the context of genuine commitment is what differentiates marriage from other human connections.  Biblically, the only thing separating a spouse from everyone else is that, for a married person, it is only their spouse (or spouses) that they are to have sex with.  Emotional intimacy, one-on-one time, deep conversations, physical admiration, and even flirtation or other things like feeling or enjoying sexual attraction to someone else are not what distinguishes marriage from other relationships.  Conceptually and when it comes to Biblical ethics, this is the one actual difference that is not only an illusion assumed by some people to be true.

Sex is really the one reason why most people would ever need to pursue marriage of a legal kind or the Biblical kind (a hopefully lifelong, committed relationship).  Someone could get other kinds of intimacy from friends, family, or even strangers without doing anything that violates Yahweh's nature.  With sex, though, and literal intercourse alone to be clear, commitment either must be present or must follow (Exodus 22:16-17) unless there is anything that would legitimize breaking apart a marriage before God, including neglect or abuse (Exodus 21:9-11) beyond mere adultery (Matthew 19:9) or abandonment (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).  Sex in the context of commitment is the one thing that truly distinguishes a valid marital relationship apart from all other kinds.

Even so, it is not worth subjecting oneself to legalistic or deceptive spouses, unwanted physically dangerous treatment, sexual abuse, or even as much as constant pettiness.  There are ways to sexually act that are nonsinful (Deuteronomy 4:2) despite having nothing to do with marriage or a committed relationship of any kind, such as masturbation with or without imagery and flirtation while savoring sexual attraction.  Inside a marriage, an abused spouse is always free to leave no matter how long the relationship has lasted and no matter if there are children involved.  Physical and sexual safety are incredibly important, as is the psychological safety of not being mistreated and being allowed to be one's whole nonsinful self.

Sexual experience and expression are not confined to marriage in Biblical ethics.  They are morally and pragmatically within people's grasp outside of committed relationships.  As exciting or alluring as sex in particular is, it is not morally or otherwise worth more than safety from abuse.  Never having sex or having it for only part of one's life is better than having one's general life be ruined by a terrible marriage for the sake of something as shallow isolated by itself as just having sex, for its own sake.  The slightest physical or sexual abuse and unrepentant patterns of emotional abuse are absolutely Biblical grounds for divorce under the neglect and abuse categories (again, see Exodus 21:9-11).  Sexuality does not require a partner or any social interaction or stimulation at all.  Sex specifically is intimate and social and yet never worth not receiving proper treatment.

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