A Couple's First Experiences

The obsession of some people with having a partner who has never done anything sexual or romantic with a previous partner stops them from understanding or appreciating their partner--or both.  In evangelical circles, it is often motivated by allegiance to the unbiblical idea that all sex or other interpersonal sexual activities outside of a legal marriage are sinful; in the secular world, it is emotionalistic, possessive jealousy or egoism that stands behind it, especially when someone thinks whatever they have romantically done is not an issue, all while being suspicious or condemnatory toward their partner for having dated, kissed, or done morally permissible sexual things with former partners.  This is in part how so much of the fixation on entering romantic relationships with virgins endures.

Ironic in this is that one could engage in oral sex, sexual fondling, mutual masturbation, and other such activities while still being a virgin, which pertains only to having sex (intercourse).  Thus, being a virgin does not actually exclude many other sexual behaviors that one could do alone or with a partner.  Despite this, a certain kind of person would not only want a virgin with regard to intercourse as a partner, but they would also want someone who has never done anything sexual before except perhaps with their own hands and genitalia.  They are reacting out of emotionalistic offense either way, but they might be overlooking how they and their new partner would still have their own first kiss or sexual exploration.

It does not have to be either partner's first time dating or exchanging a kiss, among other things, to make it their first time doing so together.  As long as a partner has not done anything that is objectively disloyal or otherwise immoral, there is nothing to object to, and the relationship can flourish regardless of how many people they have dated or done other things with.  Jealousy stops people from enjoying relationships as fully as they could even if there is nothing that actually merits being disturbed, offended, or hurt by in the other person's romantic life up to this point.  A focus on the experiences one has shared with one's partner and that one hopes to eventually share with them, of a romantic, sexual, or other kind, could bring peace and contentment to someone struggling with this.

If a man and a woman have a romantic relationship in which neither of them errs, but the relationship does not work out for some other reason, they have not deprived their future partner--if they will have another one--of something owed to them.  Every subsequent dating bond is a chance to have a new series of firsts that might culminate in a lifelong partnership of rationality, mutuality, honesty, and affection.  There is no need, as much as a person can control it, to allow irritation or insecurity about a partner's past romantic experience (or sexual experience as far as nonsinful things are concerned) to hold an instance of dating or marriage back from its full potential.