Relational Sexual Attraction

The true scope of sexuality includes more than just the visual or physical attraction that is so often focused on by itself.  Relational attraction can spark or deepen physical sexual attraction just as visual/physical sexual attraction can spark or deepen relational/emotional attraction.  Sexuality is so much broader than just visual attraction or relational connection.  Where possible, it is ideal for both to be present, but of the two, despite how strong, personal, and pleasurable visual attraction can be, relational attraction is more foundational and can be far more lasting and penetrating.  Relational sexual attraction can breathe new life into other forms of sexual attraction and in doing so transform or elevate romantic relationships.

Although it is certainly more popular to talk about visual sexual attraction openly in some circles, almost no one is totally ignorant of the fact that personality plays a major role in general relationships, including sexual ones with a lifelong partner.  People can still outwardly complain about the personalities or worldviews of other people or inwardly despise these parts of them, even if the former person is very distinctly sexually attracted to the latter.  Those that think beyond the most utterly shallow, false priorities or ideas about dating, marriage, and sexuality can easily recognize that relational connection is not just a small part of a genuine romantic relationship, but an absolute necessity.

Everyone who would pick one of two equally attractive romantic or sexual partners because of their personality knows on some level that personality can be a significant factor in romantic or sexual attraction, even if they were to trivialize it.  Men in particular are fiercely pressured by so many people to pretend like this is not a factor in their romantic or sexual interest--though it is a crucial factor at that--but no social conditioning, from the most extensive to the most sincere, makes a false idea true.  Men and women will always have stronger marriages and more durable, deeper romantic/sexual relationships when each broad aspect of each partner as full persons, such as their aspirations, fears, competencies, and triumphs, is on display, not just the body.

Any person with at least a miniscule amount of depth when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage would embrace these truths as the foundation of secure, life-giving relationships.  Even with nonromantic friendships, relationships are never at their most powerful or deep as they are when two friends are willing to reveal their authentic selves without self-delusion or any other irrationality.  It is no different when relationships involve romantic or sexual attraction.  By default, dating or marriage partners who are too stupid or shallow to understand this hinder their own connection and are not even worthy of whatever exaggerated merits they believe their relationship has.

A couple with mutual love of rationalistic truths, consistent openness, and authentic affection for each other's personalities will be able to weather changes in visual/physical attraction to each other or to others with relative ease, or even with no difficulties at all.  The visual and physical aspects of sexual attraction (though different individual men and women could be attracted to or aroused by distinct things) are important components of many instances of sexual attraction, of course.  The capacity for sexual attraction to be ignited or sustained or increased by personality just is not always as visible and thus can be underestimated by some, especially its presence in the men victimized by their irrational and unjust cultural conditioning.