The Egalitarian Nature Of Genuine Love

If someone rejects complementarianism because it facilitates abuse of men and women alike by the opposite gender more than because it is logically false, they do not have philosophically sound motives for doing so because any harmful effect is irrelevant to whether something is true.  It is true that complementarianism is entirely opposed to what the Bible says about men and women, and it is more importantly true that the stereotypes on which any form of complementarianism is built are logically false even apart from social experiences that disprove them.  It is also true that complementarianism is harmful to both genders, sometimes in more similar ways that some so-called egalitarians who still cling to gender stereotypes might want to admit.

Some harms of gender stereotypes actually manifest in ways that obstruct what complementarians (even the complementary "egalitarians" that try to preserve gender stereotypes while selectively fighting some kinds of sexism against either gender) claim they want out of marriage.  Almost all married or dating Christians, complementarian or egalitarian, would claim they care about genuinely loving their spouse or dating partner.  Unfortunately, the majority of vocal Christians either identify with complementarian ideology or do not care enough to oppose the poisonous harm it inflicts on men and women--all of which stem from the fact that complementarianism contradicts purely logical truths about gender and individualism, as well as what the Bible so plainly says about men and women.

Here, though, I will focus on an unintended side effect of non-egalitarian romantic relationships: how they indirectly or directly influence people to love a mythical version of their romantic partner instead of their partner's true self.  This, of course, involves a refusal to accept their personality, talents, and goals as they are.  In other words, it marks a refusal to accept them as they are without making assumptions about their desires and abilities because of their gender.  I am not pretending like unconditional acceptance of someone's natural inclinations, desires, and priorities, as unconditional acceptance is irrational and sinful by virtue of accepting irrationality and sin.  Instead, I am referring to 

After all, complementarianism specifically pressures men to sacrifice safety for women in particular, to put up a front of at least situational brutality towards other men simply because they are men, and to act as if they constantly want sexual interaction with women even when they do not.  A complementarian wife might even suspect the Christianity of her husband if he so much as verbally expresses reluctance to live out any of these or other unbiblical ideas.  If so, this is just one of many possible ways that she could fail to understand, appreciate, and embrace her own husband despite a probable desire to be emotionally intimate with him.

Similarly, complementarianism pressures women to sacrifice career ambitions at least to a greater extent than men, to put up a front of hospitality and relative emotional openness, and to act as if they almost never want sexual interaction with men even when they are painfully aware that they do.  A complementarian husband might suspect his wife's Christianity if she does not naturally live out these ideas that are just as asinine as the false notions forced upon men.  Again, even if he wants to enjoy emotional intimacy with his wife, he has failed to understand her as a person because of assumptions, and false assumptions at that.

In no case does genuine complementarianism leave room for thoroughly acknowledging the facts of individuality, which inevitably hinders relational intimacy between romantic partners.  It is impossible to romantically love someone in the truest sense when you refuse to consider their individuality and instead hold them up against some non-obligatory, unbiblical, irrational stereotype in hope of the two overlapping.  A person can love at least part of their spouse's true self as a complementarian, and perhaps they may have a limited appreciation of their individuality, but they will not truly love their spouse's whole individuality unless they happen to fully align with one of the arbitrary complementarian stereotypes that conflicts with how others enforce gender stereotypes.  Only egalitarianism allows husbands and wives to holistically appreciate each others' personalities.