Polyamorous Intimacy

Members of couples that practice polyamory or that are at least open to their spouses having multiple committed marriage partners have not doomed their relationships to romantic coldness.  The visibility of monogamous norms in Western culture has been misunderstood by opponents of polyamory, who take it to mean that there is something fundamentally flawed about a marriage, in both a moral and relational sense, if either partner is not generally offended by the thought of their spouse having an additional husband or wife (depending on their gender).  Marital love is not intrinsically exclusive, however, as one can cultivate closeness to multiple people without overlooking or otherwise harming any of them.

A woman with two husbands can love the bodies, personalities, and talents of both husbands without the intimacy with either coming into conflict with intimacy shared with the other.  A man with two wives can love the bodies, personalities, and talents of both wives in the same way.  Comparable to how a married person can enjoy deep nonromantic intimacy with close friends of either gender while also enjoying deep romantic intimacy with his or her spouse, a married person can enjoy deep, genuine intimacy with multiple lifelong partners of the opposite gender.

As long as neither spouse is controlling, petty, or willing to make assumptions about the nature of their relationships, polyamory is not a troublesome way to approach marriage.  Even if a polyamorous couple is irrational, gratuitously jealous, and prone to assumptions, polyamory itself is not to blame for how those who misuse it act.  Polyamory is not suitable for the personal preferences of all men and women, and there are other Biblically legitimate ways to act on sexual or romantic attraction to multiple members of the opposite gender that have nothing to do with practicing non-monogamy.

Relational intimacy of various kinds is not threatened by sharing it with more than one person.  If that were the case, no one could manage having two or more friends at the same time without experiencing deep problems in each relationship.  Of course, many people who think monogamy is the only Biblically valid kind of marriage tend to have multiple friends at once.  If they would only reflect on the fact that nonromantic intimacy is not weakened when it is shared with more than one person, they might realize that the same can be true of romantic intimacy.  It is entirely possible to be deeply committed to more than one spouse, even if there are some who are simply unfit for polyamory.