Individuality Within The Intimacy Of Marriage

Individuality, regardless of its detractors, is not in any sort of inherent conflict with relational intimacy.  Many people do profess to appreciate individuality, but only up until it results in their discomfort.  It is in such circumstances that some will pretend as if the integrity of interpersonal relationships like marriages is weakened by individual uniqueness, as if spouses that ignore or distort their individualities are in any way contributing to a healthy relationship.  Since many Christians are complementarians, it is no surprise that they view individualism as a threat to marital unity, but the Bible says no such thing.

Genesis 2:24 certainly does describe an ideal marriage as a relationship where the husband and wife become "one flesh" (this does not preclude polyamory, of course [1]), and yet such a high degree of intimacy does not mean that a given husband and wife are identical persons.  The two are not only metaphysically/logically distinct, but they also have their own respective personalities, talents, and desires.  Even Christians who do not regard individuality as an enemy of relational closeness do not overtly emphasize this enough.

A Biblically sound marriage can only be sustained by a commitment on the part of both parties to genuine unity in the truth, but marital unity never requires the dismissal of either partner's individuality.  Both partners can enjoy deep intimacy without sacrificing their talents, their autonomy, and any of their non-selfish aspirations.  Nothing about a thriving marriage encroaches upon the individualistic elements of life, and only a misinterpretation of Genesis would regard the first few chapters of the Bible as rejecting individualism in marriage.

Indeed, a strong marriage, like a strong friendship, can be one of the best places to explore and develop one's individuality.  A rational husband or wife would never regard their spouse's basic personality traits as something poisonous that must be kept far from the relationship, and a rational spouse would in fact encourage an individualistic emphasis within their marriage.  The Bible might call for spouses to become one flesh, but intimacy does not hinge upon a sameness of personalities.  Instead, it hinges upon a mutual commitment to openness and honesty--and no one can be truly open with their spouse while they hide their own individuality from them.

The Christian ideal of unity in marriage does not conflict with the truths of individualism on any level.  Moreover, given that Christianity is a thoroughly individualistic religion [2], it is unintelligent to demonize individualism, as if it will stop being true simply because it is not regularly addressed by the church or because some Christians mistakenly think it is contrary to the Bible.  Individuality is an inevitably vital part of self-development, friendship, and marriage; to deny this is harmful and asinine.


[1].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2018/09/genesis-does-not-prescribe-monogamy.html

[2].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/12/individualism-in-christianity.html