Rationalism: The Key To A Stable Marriage

Many couples might claim that they want to enjoy the deepest intimacy and have a durable relationship, yet their actions and words demonstrate that they either do not truly want to do what is necessary to achieve this or do not know how to bring this about.  While there are multiple factors that contribute to the stability and quality of a marriage, there is one that can hold the others in place: a mutual allegiance to rationalism.  A rationalistic couple is capable of far more than they otherwise would be.  However, many probably have the impression that a rationalistic marriage is devoid of excitement, passion, or non-intellectual depth--and they would be entirely mistaken.

One point that must be clarified is that rationalism and marital romance can easily coexist.  Rationalism does not entail stoicism, the ideology emphasizing the suppression or ignoring of one's emotions.  While at least some forms of the latter might treat emotions as if they are inherently dangerous or unimportant, the former is instrumental in realizing that it is not emotion itself that is dangerous, but emotionalism.  A relationship founded on intellectual similarities and emotional affection is far stronger and more stable than a relationship sustained by only one or the other.  Rationalism in no way excludes the experience or appreciation of romantic feelings!

In fact, rationality is the key to enjoying aspects of a relationship other than an intellectual connection more thoroughly.  Rationalistic spouses are most likely to shun pettiness in their relationship, disallow personal insecurities to overpower their bond, and enjoy all aspects of marital life, from intellectual companionship to emotional attachment to sexual intimacy.  Without a mutual love of reason, some of these results cannot be consistently achieved except by accident, but each of these relational elements are deepened by a love of reason.

There is also the fact that rationalists often recognize the truths of individualism, which means that they approach their spouses as individuals, without assuming things about their partners on the grounds of gender or culture.  A spouse whose actual personality and talents are mutually acknowledged is a spouse who is not pressured to live out a facade, and it should not be difficult for anyone to see why this is instrumental in developing a healthy marital relationship.  A rationalistic person, therefore, has the opportunity to see his or her spouse as they are, without the misleading trappings of cultural expectations.  In this way, a rationalistic marriage is inherently egalitarian.

It is easy to see, then, that rationalism elevates a marriage even on a utilitarian level.  A shared (and sound) intellectual bond allows a couple to experience greater stability than is otherwise possible, but it also permits them to understand other dimensions of their relationship and appreciate each spouse as an individual in the ways that they only can through rationalism.  Far from killing or diminishing romantic affection, rationalism can provide it with a deeper solidity.  It is only by happenstance that a marriage thrives when intentionality and rationality are not behind it.  Although few would consider rationalism to be the key to marital flourishing, it is a vital component of a marriage that is intentionally successful.