Sexuality can occupy a great deal of human focus and thought. This is no cause for alarm as some may teach, but the subject of sexuality can be quite complex. And thus sexual attraction is not unvarying across the experiences of all people. The study of human sexuality, sexual physiological reactions of the human body, and different types of sexual desire is called sexology, but one does not need to be a professional sexologist to realize the complexity of sexuality. This post will address some of the diverse ways people experience sexual attraction.
I must distinguish romantic attraction from the sexual kind. Romantic attraction is affection for someone in a way beyond mere friendship that does not necessarily include anything sexual in nature; sexual attraction is present when sexual feelings are drawn towards a person (it is not mere aesthetic attraction). A romantic relationship is a relationship different than that which friends share but not necessarily one focused on or involving sexual expression. But I will explain in a bit how some romantic activities can definitely nurture sexual desire! Romantic attraction can lead to sexual attraction and vice versa, but they are not identical.
Christians have nothing to fear in exploring these, although in my experiences many Christians shy away from detailed open discussions about sexual physiology or morality. Sexuality is nothing to fear, but it is also nothing to worship. It is not uncommon for for the modern church to stoop to fear of it, while the secular world often worships it. Yet neither reaction is justified.
The specifics of sexual attraction can vary greatly from person to person. One person might have great difficulty experiencing sexual feelings and desires apart from a deep emotional connection with someone else (demisexual), while another person might value physical attraction very highly. Yes, physical attraction can be a major part of sexual attraction, and some people I know have explained to me that their sexual desires definitely have a physical side. But sexual attraction can have much more diverse and even more powerful components than just physical attraction.
People can conceptually divide sexual attraction in general into two main groups: primary and secondary sexual attraction. Primary sexual attraction involves an initial physical attraction to someone based upon his or her appearance. It does not require knowing someone's mind or personality, just that person's physical attributes--not that admiring the beauty of a man or woman or visually appreciating his or her body is a sexual thing in and of itself; it certainly is not. Secondary sexual attraction is a deeper attraction that forms from the process of getting to know someone over a period of time. This attraction has passion pushed by the full force of an intimate emotional and personal connection. I referred to this when I said above that nonsexual romantic attraction and activities (dates and so on) can cultivate sexual attraction. And, just as Song of Songs 8:6 describes love, a deep secondary sexual attraction can burn "like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame".
I say this not to imply that primary or physical sexual attraction is somehow sinful, only that without the deeper personal connection of secondary sexual attraction it cannot necessarily fuel a long-term attraction. Emotional bonds with a significant other or spouse acknowledge that humans have more than just an external body. A demisexual needs a significant emotional connection to have sexual attraction to someone, and thus a demisexual will likely invest in secondary sexual attraction.
Sapiosexuals are sexually attracted to intelligence. Appreciation of a spouse's or significant other's mind, intelligence, creativity, intellectual complexity, and wit can certainly spark and nurture a sexual attraction based on far more than desire to enjoy a body that time and physics will change.
There are some types of sexual attraction which, whether or not they are inborn, God has condemned acting upon. Bisexual and homosexual desires rank among these. It is not that homosexual or bisexual orientations are defined as sinful, but that acts of homosexuality are. For a greater elaboration on homosexuality and related issues like the naturalness of homosexual attraction, the biological incompatibility of same gender genitalia, and a summarized explanation of the Biblical position on homosexuality and what it means and does not mean, see here [1].
God created human sexuality, but he did not make it uniform across all people. Sometimes I get the impression that some Christians might shy away from admitting this in an effort to not condone what they know the Bible condemns as sexual immorality. God made it clear in the Bible what sexual acts are sinful, and having a desire to engage in a sinful act is itself sinful. But neither fact changes the diverse nature of human sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is not necessarily as simple as seeing someone and judging that person attractive, and it can have far more than one component, with the potency of the attraction deepening and growing over time.
Summary of observations:
1. Sexual attraction is not identical to romantic attraction.
2. Primary sexual attraction pertains to initial physical attraction; secondary sexual attraction can develop as partners grow closer emotionally.
3. Sexual attraction is far more multifaceted than just physical attraction alone: attraction to intelligence, or someone with whom one shares a deep emotional bond can prove far more powerful than mere initial physical attraction.
[1]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/08/on-homosexuality-and-bible.html
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