Praying With The Opposite Gender

I was told recently by a figure of some authority at my church, as were others, that praying with a member of the opposite gender to whom one is not married is an activity that involves intimacy reserved only for marriage.  In honor of hearing this stupidity, I decided to target this nonsense and spend some time explaining why it is so asinine.  Upon hearing this, after I asked myself "What the f-ck?", I realized that I was likely the only one present who not only lives contrary to such legalistic advice but the only one who knew where to begin refuting such an erroneous position.

First of all, the Bible does not say that anything within a marital relationship is or needs to be exclusive except for sex [1].  In short, anyone who does not agree with this does not agree with the Bible.  Never does the Bible discourage or prohibit individual, unmarried men and women from praying together, an activity that glorifies God and cements relational bonds between persons.  The Bible also never exalts marriage as the one place where relational intimacy between men and women is expected, legitimate, or morally acceptable.  When Christians forget this, they wreak havoc on interaction between the genders and deviate from truth and reason.

Irrational and unbiblical beliefs like this threaten the reconciliation of the genders, obstructing fellowship and friendship between them.  They violate Biblical commands to not add to God's revealed moral obligations and can create perceptions of false guilt.  They suffocate nonsexual intimacy between men and women.  They encourage baseless feelings of insecurity and awkwardness.  They contribute to a pathetic and destructive societal stigma against cross-gender friendships, much less deep, close ones.  They foster confusion, mistrust, and sexualize or romanticize practices that have nothing to do with either sexuality or romance.  As a rationalist, a Christian, and someone who does not fear the opposite gender, I am repulsed by idiotic beliefs like this.  They have no place in Christian congregations and the worldviews of rational Christians.

The man who said this has done nothing except use his position of authority to teach a vile lie built upon nothing but errors in reasoning, extra-Biblical personal preference, and a severe misrepresentation of the nature of relationships between men and women.  The despicable lie that men and women cannot or should not do normal things together independent of romantic feelings has infected the mindsets of the many Christians, manifesting itself in teachings like this.  And this bullshit has definite consequences.

Does the Bible condemn the activity in question?  No.  Does reason demonstrate it to violate a purely logical extrapolation of Biblical commands?  No.  Can one condemn it without using fallacies?  No.  These questions all answered unanimously and verifiably in the negative, according to the Christian worldview (Deuteronomy 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:21) there is nothing wrong with praying in solitude with members of the opposite gender to whom one is not married.  People need to either accept this fact or receive stern correction in the name of reason and Scripture.  I, for one, am utterly irate, saddened, and frustrated because of the things Christians and secular people alike tend to believe about how men and women should interact with each other.  If your feelings contradict reality, you have nothing legitimate to object with when others contradict your feelings.


[1].  Yes, I have repeatedly mentioned on my blog that Exodus 22:16-17 shows that premarital sex is not sinful in and of itself.  Here I am merely referring to activities within a relationship that already possesses marital status and saying that the Bible says only that the sexual aspect of this relationship is exclusive to the marriage partners.

The Bible does not condemn individuals who live with the opposite gender (1 Kings 17), public nudity (Isaiah 20:1-6), or those who communicate or spend time with members of the opposite gender.  None of these things are sinful (or sexual by themselves), though people can misuse them just as they can any good or neutral thing.