Thursday, November 16, 2017

Understanding Asexuality

Asexuality is nothing more than the condition of experiencing little to no sexual desire, attraction, and feelings [1].  It is a simple thing, but one not understood properly by some.  Thus I will provide an explanation as to what asexuality does not mean.  As an asexual myself, I care about other people correctly understanding it.  I will list things that asexuals do or can do that do not mean in any way that they are not asexuals.

Asexuals can want and crave romantic relationships.  Asexuality has to do with sexual desire; aromantic people have no romantic attraction to other people.  Thus, one could be asexual without being aromantic.  Although I am asexual, I definitely would love to be in a romantic and marital relationship if I met a girl I was interested in.  It is not a particularly high priority of mine, though.  Both subjective happiness from personal pursuits and deeper fulfillment from serving God and others are still entirely possible for asexuals!

Asexuals can think someone is beautiful or even sexy.  Judging someone to be sexy is judging them to be sexually attractive, meaning either that the person making the judgment experiences sexual attraction to him or her or could see how other people would feel sexual attraction for him or her, so the latter would be the case with most asexuals.  Thinking someone is either beautiful or sexy is not the same as actually being attracted to him or her.  I think that many people, men and women alike, are physically beautiful!  I know that means only that I perceive them to be beautiful, not that they are, and it signifies no sexual desire on my part.

Asexuals can experience bodily sexual arousal of the genitals randomly or from specific stimuli.  Since asexuality is about a lack or minimal presence of sexual desire, nothing about the bodies and physiology of asexuals is necessarily unusual.  In some cases, it can also be that an asexual person has sexual desires, perhaps even more than a very small amount, yet any sexual feelings he or she experiences seem aimless and undirected.  Physical arousal might still be accompanied by sexual feelings of some type--just more limited or unfocused.  Arousal of the body can still be pleasurable for asexuals.  They might also like erotic media or foreplay with a spouse for the way these activities can arouse their bodies.  Non-asexual persons might direct sexual feelings into masturbation or sex, but asexuals in the same situation still would not necessarily have any urge to take the same courses of action.  But they can still accidentally or intentionally experience sexual arousal, and may like it.  And this brings me to my next point.

Asexuals can masturbate and thoroughly enjoy it [2].  Some may, to excite a partner or to experience pleasurable physical sensations for themselves, regularly, happily masturbate, or only do it on occasion.  As I've mentioned before, not having the mental presence of active sexual desire does not mean that one's genitals do not function and provide pleasure.  Having a normally-functioning penis or clitoris and enjoying or intentionally encouraging its arousal does not mean someone is not asexual.  Whether with a partner or in private, asexuals can certainly both masturbate and love it.

Asexuals can enjoy sex itself.  Having little to no sexual desire does not mean that one fears sexuality, avoids it, is mentally repulsed by it, or finds it physically uncomfortable.  On the contrary, an asexual might even look forward to having sex--it would just be a different kind of appreciation.  Just as an asexual can enjoy masturbation for the physical sensations of it, an asexual can enjoy sex itself for the physical pleasure it may bring, not to mention the emotional bond it can develop.  Pleasing a non-asexual spouse could still be a very high priority, for instance.  After all, being asexual does not make someone aromantic; asexuals can still have strong romantic desires and sex may channel or express them.

Asexuals can want to be sexually desired.  I actually do want to be sexually desired by my girlfriend/spouse if I ever enter that type of relationship!  Despite not experiencing sexual desire or attraction myself, I want my significant other/spouse to be attracted to both my mind, with its intellect and spirituality, and my body.  It is paradoxical, but not a contradiction.  I will not want to have actual sexual intercourse regularly, but I will certainly respect the desires and feelings of my possible future spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

Although asexuality may be misunderstood by some--and perhaps even misunderstood by some asexuals themselves--it is not a difficult concept to grasp logically.  I hope that this information is helpful, either to non-asexuals who are curious or to asexuals who have questions or simply want to promote awareness of what asexuality is and isn't.  May it prove useful to those who need it!


[1].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/05/an-explanation-of-asexuality.html

[2].  See here:
A.  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/09/myths-about-masturbation.html
B.  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/11/more-myths-about-masturbation.html

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