Sexuality And Romance

The distinction between sexuality and romance is not truly difficult to grasp, but it can be very difficult to describe it using words.  Reason, with this particular application of reason sometimes getting prompted by introspective experiences, grants absolute certainty about the former to any willing person.  The latter, the process of assigning words to communicate this difference, is far more challenging, yet conveying this distinction directs attention to a fairly nuanced part of human nature.  Sexuality and romance can be deeply intertwined in a relationship or in the longings of even a person who is single, yet this would be the simultaneous presence of feelings that do not require each other.  Of course, the only reason the two can be present together or independently is because they are not logically equivalent.

Sexuality and romance are conceptually related but sharply separate.  One can be present without the other because while sexuality is about attraction more directly related to the thought or use of genitalia or glances and touches used to indulge in this pleasurable feeling, romantic attraction is more about longing to be in someone's presence or to converse with them in a way that is different from ordinary friendship, but not necessarily sexual even if there is a desire for physical intimacy.  In the case of strict romance separated from sexuality or of romance where sexuality is more in the background (or absent entirely), this physical intimacy would just probably be about gentle contact or savoring embraces or other less/minimally sensual gestures that are about trying to convey or enjoy a relationship that is not just one of friendship but one that is at the same time not sexual.

A person could be sexually attracted to someone else without any romantic attraction, just as they could experience romantic attraction to someone else without any sexual attraction to accompany it.  In a culture that so often pretends like many nonsexual things actually have some sort of inherent connection to sexuality, it would shock those who believe such nonsense that even romance itself is not inherently sexual.  Still, a blind hedonist who just sexually uses others, objectifying them or dismissing them as soon as they get sex, is pursuing sexual excitement or release without any romantic ties, without any intention of getting to know them as a full person or even bothering to contemplate romantic attachment in a personal or abstract sense.  People who build significant parts of their lives around the distinction between sexuality and romance might not have even realized this yet.

Knowing these logical facts enable people to understand themselves, the nature of sexuality, and their relationships with other people in ways that are otherwise impossible due to assumptions or ignorance.  Since one of the aforementioned ramifications even has to do with how some people choose to sexually objectify others, the difference between sexuality and romance pertains even to whether one person is dehumanizing another.  It can indeed be difficult to communicate these truths using language, though they are accessible to plenty of people whether or not they see how they might already be brushing up against these realities.  Ideally, a marriage will have both sexual and romantic connection in addition to a more primary intellectual and spiritual set of bonds, for when both are present without either being the basis of the relationship, that relationship is full of depth.