An Approach To Dating

A host of legalistic ideas about how to approach dating are supposedly meant to stop people from rushing into poor relationships and yet can end up hindering the quality of a person's search for a dating partner.  The misconceptions of many Biblically innocent things as "adulterous" or sexually immoral makes it more difficult for some kinds of people to authentically get to know others and evaluate their options without feeling trapped or unnecessarily restricted.  The push (in more overtly conservative evangelical circles) for a man and woman to immediately commit to formally dating each other early on can discourage people from thinking about other possible partners who are more compatible--and getting to know them better with a potential dating relationship in mind while doing the same with others as well.

Talking to multiple members of the opposite gender at the same time specifically to evaluate them as possible dating partners is not necessarily the manipulative, selfish using of others or leading them on when there is no intention of doing anything more than toying with them.  Non-rationalistic Christians in particular, thanks to legalistic ideas about many aspects of dating and sexuality, might not just feel but also think that they are doing something degrading to others by getting to know more than one specific person of the opposite gender in an effort to find a dating partner.  In truth, as long as all parties are sincere, honest, and do not pledge any sort of commitment that they are not ready to give and that the other party is not worthy of, this can be a beneficial arrangement for a time.

This potential stage of searching for a dating partner--at which point a person is not formally dating anyone, much less multiple people at once--could help some think more carefully about whether they truly know someone well enough to commit to them.  It is more likely to be the kind of situation that keeps someone with a tendency to prematurely overlook more intellectually and spiritually mature partners free of an emotionalistic haze they are unwilling to break free of or avoid.  Someone could even use a scenario like this to perhaps reflect for the first time, in a serious, accepting way, that many men and women are going to be romantically or sexually attracted to more than one person at once.

There is no formal, mutual decision of commitment as a couple even if two people meet together specifically for a date, as a single introductory date is not the same as dating.  The same is true even when talking with or seeing multiple people for such a purpose.  Nothing about getting to know more than one person in this way is a betrayal.  Where there is no formal commitment, there is no betrayal, and where there is no desire to deceive or use people as mere pastimes, there is no manipulation of others as if they are nothing but temporary playthings.  How much more careful, self-aware, and socially attuned would people be when this approach to finding a suitable partner was not dismissed automatically?  Christians have nothing important to lose but plenty of thorough benefits to gain.