Possible Benefits Of Dating

When I was younger, I heard a lot about how Christians need to try their best to ensure that they date only the person they will marry.  First, I cannot know for sure what will come of a relationship, and thus I cannot know if anyone I am presently dating will actually become a marital partner.  Second, this idea, when paired with a legalistic anxiety about dating in general, can actually lead to unproductive dating experiences.  How so?

Dating provides opportunities to develop social skills, discover realities about oneself through introspection, learn to communicate better, and to become more attentive.  It is not as if every dating relationship that does not lead to marriage has to mark a wasted period in one's life.  On the contrary, dating can involve great personal, social, and spiritual growth even without marriage following afterwards.  Recognition of this can make it even easier to use the opportunities in a productive way.

The truth is that dating can be useful for a variety of things even when a dating relationship doesn't last.  Maybe a couple only goes on a single date (meaning they never entered the actual extended process of dating itself), or maybe a couple breaks up after a handful of dates.  Either way, dating can still benefit both parties--if they act opportunely.  Christians can certainly date with the goal of marriage and long-term commitment in mind, but this does not mean that they need to fear the notion of not marrying someone they date.  They can still walk away from a dating relationship with gratefulness for legitimate personal growth.

One can also profit from a friendship that does not last, and I do not mean "profit" in terms of temporary emotional support.  I mean that ordinary friendships, even if they are brief, allow for the same general opportunities for growth that dating (and marriage) do--growth in communicative ability, the honing of attentiveness, constructive emotional expression, the cultivation of affection for another person, and so on.  Even brief relationships can aid the development of various skills and components of moral character.

Can dating a specific person be disappointing when it does not establish a long-term relationship?  Of course!  But it does not have to be a totally fruitless process even in such a disheartening situation.  Rightly conducted, it can prove very beneficial regardless.