Flirting is a thing enjoyed by many men and women. It can be a fun, exciting, and fulfilling process. Flirting is acting like you are attracted to someone, for fun or because of actual attraction, whether the attraction is sexual or otherwise. It is not necessarily about creating or manipulating sexual attraction or tension, although these could certainly be the goals of some kinds of flirting. Mere friendliness is not flirting at all, nor is making jokes or teasing someone flirtatious in itself, though some might mistakenly perceive these things to be flirting. There is nothing at all sinful about flirtation among singles (Deuteronomy 4:2) as long as no party objectifies the other romantically or sexually (reduces them to one aspect of their personhood), desires to commit a sexual sin with the other party, or flirts in the process of committing a sexual sin. What about extramarital flirting or a person in a committed romantic relationship flirting with someone outside of that relationship, though?
As long as there is no lustful (covetous) or objectifying motive and no desire to commit any sexual sin then there is nothing wrong with flirting--whether or not the people flirting are single or separately married. Extramarital flirting by a married person is not inherently adulterous and can be done in a totally respectful, lighthearted, non-sinful way. It carries no adulterous connotations in itself because the act of flirting is not the same as committing the physical act of adultery or harboring inner desires to commit adultery. Thus, it by definition cannot by itself be adulterous by Biblical standards (it's astonishing what evangelicals ascribe to Biblical morality sometimes). The moral line is the same as for singles flirting--no objectification, no desire to commit a sexual sin, and no sexual harassment (unwanted comments).
People have no rational reason to feel threatened if their significant others or spouses flirt or want to flirt with someone else, since flirting does not always mean what some assume it does--it is not a sure sign of unfaithfulness or sexual expression. As with things as controversial as erotic media [1], no one has a right to tell someone else to not do something that isn't sinful, as there can be nothing wrong in doing what does not deviate from an objectively binding moral standard. Of course, not all relationships with members of the opposite gender have any romantic or sexual feelings involved on any level, so it is asinine to think that being friendly to strangers or friends friends of the opposite gender, however close, is flirting to begin with.
Relational attraction occurs when someone is drawn to some quality of a person, and thus sexual attraction is simply being attracted to someone's sexuality. It doesn't mean that someone wants to have sex with the person he or she is sexually attracted to. Sexual attraction has been demonized by some members of the Christian world, yet it is not what the Bible means by the word lust (see the Greek word for lust in Matthew 5:28) and is not a depraved impulse that makes people do sinful things. A married person does not sin in experiencing sexual attraction to another person besides his or her spouse. In refusing to impose legalistic standards on their partners, which is a Biblically defined sin (Deuteronomy 4:2), people can enjoy or allow their partners to enjoy the possible benefits of legitimate extramarital flirting.
Flirting can offer a way to act on such sexual attraction that does not involve sin. It can make one feel desirable or sexy, which generates excitement that can be directed back into one's actual romantic or marital relationship if one exists, just as one can use morally legitimate erotic media without sinning and direct the sexual energy into ones marital sex life (or solo sex life). The difference, of course, is that while erotic media is an inherently sexual thing by its nature, flirting is not. Not all attraction or flirting is sexual. Extramarital flirting can also help provide practice for flirting with your significant other or spouse. Partners in a marriage could develop flirting skills outside of the marriage--in legitimate ways (as described above), of course--and bring these skills into flirtation with their husband or wife, whether as part of foreplay or just as a friendly reminder that the other is appreciated.
Some people may not ever have any desire to flirt outside of their romantic or marital relationship, and there's nothing wrong with this at all! People have different subjective desires, and what ultimately matters is whether or not those desires contradict any moral obligations they have--and extramarital flirting is simply not sinful by Biblical standards as long as no adultery or lust is involved. This is really quite simple! Where there is no sin (1 John 3:4), there is nothing wrong with enjoying and acting upon our desires.
[1]. See here (part three will be posted in the near future):
A. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-truth-about-erotic-media-part-1.html
B. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-truth-about-erotic-media-part-2_19.html
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