Erotic media is certainly an issue that is not understood in the context of Christian morality apart from many preceding logical or Biblical realizations--including realizations of the fact that the Bible is not condemning sexual attraction when condemning lust (lust is just coveting), that sexual expression is morally neutral or even good unless it happens to involve specific acts or motivations God condemns, and that the Bible itself forbids people from adding to its commands (Deuteronomy 4:2). Even realizing all of these things will not immediately lead someone to discover that many forms of erotic media are not Biblically sinful. The (currently) few Christians who do discover this and choose to enjoy erotic media are doing something extremely controversial but permissible--even if they are married.
Couples can use sexual imagery and writings to develop or celebrate sexual self-awareness just as individual men and women can. A rationalistic Christian who has thoroughly reflected on the nature of legalism and Biblical moral obligations has the potential to even more deeply appreciate the introspection this type of media can bring, especially if they were raised amidst the prudery encouraged within the largely irrationalistic church. Together with their spouse, such a Christian might be all the more thankful for their correct understanding of the issue in a Biblical light. Sexuality is a significant part of human life, as all humans are sexual beings even if they are asexual or do not have a whole, functioning body, and there are more ways than some might think to actively enjoy this without violating any commands of the Bible with or without a committed partner.
For a couple that is not led by emotionalism and assumptions, using erotic media together to explore or celebrate each person's sexual triggers and preferences can be a deeply unifying, fulfilling thing, in contrast to the stirring of jealousy that evangelicals might almost universally expect. A husband and wife who are both rationalistic Christians, deeply self-aware, and wholeheartedly open with each other can easily use erotic media as a method of mutual sexual activity that neither feels betrayed by. Their love for each other is not weakened by seeking sexual stimulation from images or stories of people beyond their marriage, even when this is done in the presence of their spouse. They are doing something nonsinful together that they realize does not mean they are not satisfied with each other.
Instead of what might be expected by the legalistic evangelical church, this kind of couple--a couple that makes no assumptions, that does not conflate preferences with obligations, and that is devoted to mutual flourishing--is doing something that can strengthen their marriage. Heavy social pressures inside and outside the church have fostered assumptions about how extramarital sexual attraction is dangerous or how using erotic media in a marriage is an equivalent to adultery. Any person who forsakes or avoids assumptions can see right through these false ideas. Married couples bold enough to use erotic media for initial stimulation before sexual acts with each other or for masturbation in each other's company, if they so desire, can find joy and deep introspection in such a practice.
No one has to use erotic media alone or with a partner. Nowhere is it prescribed in the Bible (and Song of Songs is literally erotic literature, just an example of it that is overlooked or misunderstood out of evangelical prudery), but nowhere is it condemned. Individuals and couples, as long as they do not seek to ever intentionally use sexual sins like rape or adultery as stimulation, are free to seek sexual pleasure and exploration through erotic media. The potential for this kind of sexual imagery or writing to help spouses bond is one of the things evangelicals would deny the most about the subject, but, even though realizing these facts takes more thought than most Christians would ever put into the issue, the personal and marital freedom can actually be far greater than what evangelicals would think. Christian spouses can find relief in this matter together just as unmarried Christians can find relief in the truth.
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