During recent months, for the first time in years I have considered dating--and, of course, that means I had to ensure that I revisited my thoughts on the topic of dating as a Christian rationalist. Dating represents a subject that seemingly occupies at least the partial attention of a great number of minds on a regular basis. Because of these two facts, I have compiled my recent thoughts on the matter. First, as usual, I must explain what I mean by the word dating!
Simply going on a date with someone is not the same as engaging in the process of consistently or exclusively dating them. It is also not the same as a man and woman who are friends hanging out, whether casual friends or BFFs. For instance, someone can meet with and hang out with members of the opposite gender all the time, yet never go on a date with any of them or have any desire to do so. Going on a date is a possible first step into the consistent process of dating, a time to contemplate possible romantic compatibility, a thing which may or may not lead to subsequent dates or a further desire to meet not as friends but as romantic partners. It seems to me that romantic exclusivity usually occurs around the point that a couple moves from merely going on dates to dating. By this definition, one could even go on multiple dates with the same person without having dated them in a more formal sense.
Of course, the morality of dating must be addressed, especially since certain evangelical legalists have constructed beliefs about extra-Biblical fallacious bullshit regarding dating. By Christian standards dating is not sinful, for nowhere does the Bible prohibit this practice and both the Old and New Testament explicitly condemn adding to revealed moral commands [1] (Deuteronomy 4:2, Matthew 15:3-9). Any Christian who objects to what I have just said must rely on logical fallacies like appeals to emotion, authority, tradition, novelty, and popularity to support his or her case, or commit a variety of other fallacies like non sequiturs, begging the question, circular reasoning. And contrary to what some Christians may have asserted, dating does not intrinsically involve a sexual component (not that premarital sex is inherently wrong; see the footnote). Dating does not "train people to divorce" their spousal partners. People may train themselves to accept gratuitous divorces, but dating itself is an amoral practice which at worst is used irresponsibly by fallible humans--the fault for such irresponsibility has nothing to do with the system and everything to do with the people who use it. Legalistic guidelines like not dating alone are not moral necessities; logic and the Bible oppose those who claim otherwise. A Christian who claims that extra-Biblical morality is either necessary or obligatory does not represent Christian ethics accurately and has replaced reason with preference and Scripture with tradition.
Now, there is more to a truly committed romantic or marital relationship than merely physical attraction. A romantic relationship that acknowledges the fullness of both partners will not be fueled solely by physical attraction--though there is certainly nothing wrong with allowing that to flourish. There are other dimensions to personhood and humanity than merely the romantic and sexual, and a thoroughly Christian approach to dating (and marriage) will acknowledge each of these aspects of human nature instead of ignoring some selectively. To be made in the image of God is to have more than just a single characteristic or dimension.
Also, though the Bible has no moral objections to dating, pointless dating can create emotional problems. Dating that is aimless, gratuitous, and not intended to actually lead to a more committed, intimate relationship has no real long-term point and thus people who want to not waste their time will avoid such dating as much as they consciously can. To constantly date one person and then another may become quite exhausting and draining, as the level of emotional intensity involved in romantic relationships is not always easy to casually invest with no intention to go anywhere with it. Such relationships and the complexities that surround them can demand much focus and elicit much excitement. In short, pointless dating can be very emotionally unhealthy, not to mention existentially meaningless and a waste of time for committed Christians. However, dating a person that will not become one's spouse does not in and of itself have to be a wasted time at all. A person can use the time invested in a romantic or dating relationship (even if it ultimately goes nowhere) to develop communication skills, empathy, attentiveness, generosity, and a host of other virtues and abilities. Dating can provoke a great sanctifying energy that shifts affections and love from inward to outward.
Dating is not something to fear, as some Christians treat it, but it is also not something to venture into without forethought or intentionality. Time spent dating can be squandered--but doesn't have to be. Although it is untrue that everyone needs or wants to get married or be in a romantic relationship, many people do indeed seem to desire to date, and thus dating ranks as an important issue on a personal level for many. And Christians do indeed need to address the subject in a way that does not invent an extra-Biblical moral system, use loose definitions, neglect the merits of dating, or commit logical fallacies. They will need to do so to both stay relevant to cultural issues and to pursue truths that they may personally long to know.
[1]. There is a handful of things that are evil which the Bible does not condemn, yet only a purely logical extension of a Biblical command or principle can identify something that is sinful which the Bible does not specifically condemn. I addressed this point in the footnote of another post:
"By purely logical extension I mean something that follows logically without resorting to any fallacies. For example, consider pedophilia. The Bible does not mention pedophilia specifically in Mosaic Law, but it condemns rape and bestiality, both forms of non-consensual sex, as capital crimes (Deuteronomy 22:25-27 and Exodus 22:19 respectively). It also says that unengaged and unmarried singles who have sex should get married (Exodus 22:16-17; no, premarital sex is not sinful in and of itself--see http://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2016/08/on-exodus-2216-17.html) and married people are forbidden from having extramarital sex (Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 22:22). Based on these various passages, it is explicitly clear that the Bible condemns sex that is forced and that does not either lead to or occur in a committed relationship. Thus, although the Bible does not condemn pedophilia by name, pedophilia is condemned by a purely logical extension of explicit Biblical commands."
--http://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/05/misrepresented-harshness-deuteronomy_28.html
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