Monday, June 28, 2021

Friendship After Dating Revisited

It is possible for even people who are very affirming of and grateful for opposite gender friendships to think of friendships with past dating partners as lesser choices as friends, or perhaps even as liabilities if a hint of romantic affection or sexual attraction remains.  Ironically, the presence of these things does not render friendship with someone of the opposite gender impossible or without reward before dating (or when dating never happens), and the same is true even on the other side.  If friendship between men and women is possible even when there is sexual or romantic attraction--even intense attraction--it is possible for men and women who once dated to either realize they prefer friendship to dating or love each other sincerely enough to want to remain companions of a more platonic kind.

Not all dating relationships end in a way that leaves both persons eager to remain involved in each other's lives in a more platonic way.  This, if it happens, does not mean either party is automatically opposed to opposite gender friendships or thinks that it is impossible to specifically remain close friends with a former dating partner.  It just means their situation is not as conducive to keeping a strong platonic bond after they had an explicitly romantic relationship. When a man and woman are willing and personally able to stay friends after ending their dating relationship, though, it can serve as a powerful reminder that romantic and sexual attraction are not even the most important parts of human relationships.

The people who can at least stay casual or close friends with a former dating partner might even find that their relationship is stronger, more fulfilling, and personally empowering when it is platonic than it is when it has romantic elements.  Dating and marriage are not the pinnacle of human relationships.  Relationships built on a shared love of truth, true philosophical ideas, mutuality, emotional openness, and deep personal affection are the pinnacle of social life, whether or not they have any romantic components at all.  Romance and sexuality do not define all relationships or in any way make relationships more important by default.

In fact, a healthy dating relationship or marriage is often just a friendship with explicitly romantic additions.  Remove those aspects, and a strong friendship and strong dating relationship or marriage look practically identical.  For those who can handle it, then, it might be ideal to preserve the deep friendship dating might have built on or sparked even if the dating itself stops.  It is not as if dating removes a person's ability to relate to, appreciate, and bond with someone else, even if some people might have difficulties with this in some cases.  Before or after dating or if dating is never involved at all, friendship rooted in truth and personal love is the integral kind of relationship.

Both opposite gender friendships where neither party is interested in dating the other and opposite gender friendships that outlast dating express a connection men and women can have that transcends romance and sexuality.  Nothing about dating someone needs to forever discourage one from staying sincere friends who participate in each other's lives and enjoy many of the relational aspects they did before, just without the romantic ones.  Not everyone is immediately ready for friendship with someone after dating them for a prolonged period, but not everyone needs to be.  There are simply personal benefits and deep truths about relationships that can come to light when close friendship after dating is regarded as the potential option it is.

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