What of when spouses want to sexually express themselves to each other but aren't particularly excited by what may have aroused them before? Are they doomed to an unexciting sex life that bores them? Not at all! Whether by natural inclination or because of an eventual boredom, some spouses will want or come to want sexual variety.
After all, 1) sexual tastes can wildly vary from individual to individual (sexual morality is objective but sexual desires are entirely subjective to each person), and 2) people may grow weary of their usual sex habits and come to want more creative sexual expression. One person may be sexually excited at the thought of BDSM-style sex, another person may be repulsed. One may find the thought of having sex in public view of others thrilling and another person may be very frightened by this prospect. These feelings and perceptions are purely subjective. Some people may find themselves developing a desire to try something like BDSM or public sex [1], the desire not existing earlier in their lives.
Adventurous spouses could try different positions, locations, and techniques as they sexually engage each other. They can also experiment with different styles of foreplay. Foreplay is an act or series of acts intended to sexually arouse the mind, body, or both the mind and body of a partner before sexual intercourse--or as its own self-contained sexualized activity that does not lead to actual sex. Oral sex, fondling, and various forms of masturbation, whether one or both spouses masturbate in each other's presences, represent just three of many examples of this. They could play games. They could get more physically aggressive if they so wish (aggressive sex and nonconsensual sex are different and do not have to overlap at all). There are many combinations or approaches they could use, if they feel like it! Mixing various foreplay techniques and sexual behaviors and locations up regularly can create or recreate an atmosphere of excitement.
People still have to handle the more creative or alternative desires correctly, though. If a spouse wants to engage in more aggressive sex or some kind of BDSM or any other "nonconventional" sex act, then he or she must remember the Biblical requirement of "mutual consent" [2]--no sexual desire morally justifies pressuring a spouse into doing what he or she does not want to. Nonconsensual sex is never permissible. Manipulating or pressuring a spouse into performing a sexual act is never permissible (Deuteronomy 22:25-27, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Mutual consent is an omnipresent moral demand of sexual behaviors!
Since humans are not telepathic beings, spouses will have to communicate any desire for sexual variety that they have directly to each other. Don't expect a being that cannot see into the minds of others to just know when a desire for variety comes about. Just like in other areas of marriage, and in all other relationships, including friendships, communication is indispensably important here! Spouses need not gratuitously feel ashamed of making their more adventurous desires known. If they do not want to do something that contradicts Scripture there is no sin in their desire or in translating that desire into action. There is no sin where there is no moral law (1 John 3:4)--and there is no moral law that has not been revealed in some way in Scripture (Deuteronomy 4:2). No one will find any legalism or sexual prudery on this blog.
People are free to express their sexualities in any way that does not violate revealed sexual morality! For some, this realization may be the cause of great relief, joy, and liberation.
[1]. As long as it is purely consensual (and it doesn't violate other moral obligations--committing adultery because your spouse consented to it is still wrong), husbands and wives can express their sexualities in more unconventional ways. As long as there is definite consent and no injury, there is nothing wrong with BDSM. Public sex is not itself wrong (Deuteronomy 4:2) and neither is watching and taking pleasure from observing sexual acts, though many evangelical Christians might say otherwise.
[2]. https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2017/10/sexuality-in-marriage-part-1-mutuality.html
No comments:
Post a Comment