Sexual expression in the context of marriage cannot heal any problems except for those strictly pertaining to sexual deprivation. Certainly, it could help in conjunction with other measures--having sex in the context of lasting, loving romantic commitment is literally the only Biblical distinction between a marriage and any other human relationship--but neither having sex nor having a child will stabilize a couple whose problems are more penetrating, more multifaceted, more serpentine than this. If only the potential trials of marriage were this simple!
It is true that almost no one is a rationalist and that no non-rationalist can select a spouse well. At best, they choose on the basis of assumptions or ignorance. A focus on one attribute to the exclusion of others, silence on major philosophical and personality matters, unwillingness to be fully transparent or to discuss every issue, and relational coldness are lethal for marriages, and yet in one way or another so many can easily slip into these pitfalls while dating. It is possible for these things to befall someone after they are already married as well, contrary to what all evidence pointed to.
It would be wonderfully helpful if all it took to resolve intentional or incidental relationship problems was having sex. Yes, sex can express and deepen nonsexual bonds, and this is a life-giving truth. It still does not rescue people from a plethora of a avoidable conflicts, avoidable by rationality and communication or avoidable by having never continued a romantic partnership, or prevent the possibility of new ones arising. Anyone who looks to sex with their husband or wife for deliverance is shackled to delusion and perhaps even more woes to come.
Sex alone does not help if one spouse threatens the other with abuse or abandonment, perhaps abandonment by suicide, if they are not given what they insist on in emotionalism and selfishness. Sex alone will not change a lack of eagerness to communicate and invest in one's spouse. Sex by itself does not make an irrational or apathetic suddenly care about other aspects of the relationship. The unfortunate truth is that marital sex is of course most healing, if not exclusively healing, when there is an absence of other problems or when there is needed progress being made outside of sex.
It is a tragedy that more people are not ruthlessly communicative about worldview and personality before ever having sex or getting married to begin with. It is a shattering thing if they then look to sex to save them from trouble that either could have been averted by other things, such as breaking up earlier on, or that will fester irrespective of sex. As dim as it is, there is always the possibility of reconciliation, of priorities and attitudes changing, of spouses clinging to each other in truth and love even after a string of relational disasters. They just cannot rationally expect sex to lift them out of all such trials.
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