Monday, August 28, 2023

Friendships After Marriage

A spouse who is selected for more than their sex appeal, economic standing, or some other such trait is chosen for intellectual reasons or on the basis of affection.  There is no such thing as a union of non-rationalists worth celebrating, but there is such a thing as even non-rationalists getting married because their partner is a friend they want to bond with until death.  The superior and only worthy kind of marital relationship is one where two rationalists come together in both perfect alignment with the truth and in deep intimacy with each other, and friendship between them is inevitably a major component of this.

In the midst of this wonderful kind of relationship, non-romantic or external friendships are not to be tossed aside.  The relational intimacy found in marriage can be found in separate friendships, albeit without the same kind of romantic or sexual aspects in many cases, and friendship is more fundamental than romance.  Since it can and ideally is in a marriage as well, this and other truths mean marriage and other friendships are not in some war with each other except in the inaccurate delusions of fools.

When one is married, one does and should not (if the Christian worldview is true as it seems) forsake meeting with, texting, emailing, calling, or thinking of outside friends.  When one is married, friendships need and should not be enjoyed at the expense of marriage to a worthy partner (divorce is allowed Biblically, and for more than just adultery [1], but it is not something to rush to casually any more than marriage itself is).  What makes marriage so morally significant, aside from the romantic or sexual parts, is the same as what makes friendship significant: it is at best the unity and affection between philosophical equals or people who care for each other as individual humans, not for their own benefit.

Friendships outside of one's marriage could involve one's spouse as well, or they might not.  It is not a requirement either way, no matter their gender, though one's friends and spouse could also become friends themselves.  Whichever if these possibilities is realized, friendships and marriages in no way prosper because of the destruction of the other.  All of them can flourish and all of them can be understood and accept for what they are, without assumptions and without hesitation to live as if neither is the exclusive form of social interaction or the only way of expressing genuine love.

Marriage can be celebrated with one's friends and friendship in one's marriage.  Friends and spouses can bond all together or independently.  With same gender and opposite gender friendships, there is nothing about maintaining deep, lasting, friendships  with frequent and thorough communication that disrespects a marriage, and vice versa.  Only someone undeserving of both relationships (if morality exists) would neglect or sacrifice either a non-problematic friendship or a non-problematic marriage for the other.  The world is full of non-rationalists, and for willing rationalists, relationships of both kinds can be absolutely, maximally life-giving.


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