Still, both people who specifically want monogamy or polyamory (which is Biblically nonsinful as long as a man or woman is married to multiple people of the opposite gender instead of acting promiscuously, though there are some limitations like not marrying two siblings at once) might likely find themselves experiencing distinct sexual attraction to someone other than their marriage partner if they have one. For some, this could cause an extreme level of discomfort despite there being nothing about merely experiencing or even enjoying this extramarital sexual attraction and nothing morally problematic about it in the framework of Christian ethics, although few would realize this. For others, this is a source of great psychological pleasure that they know neither forces them to mishandle it nor signifies a lack of self-control or love for their spouse.
There is always the Biblically legitimate option, in addition to simple flirtation with the person beyond the marriage, of masturbating to select members of the opposite gender [1] to whom a married person feels sexual attraction instead of even just masturbating without mental/visual imagery to act upon sexual feelings. Far from a betrayal of commitment to one's partner, this course of action is not in any way adulterous because it involves no extramarital sex after one is married. A rational, open couple could even enjoy masturbating together as the wife and husband think of or look at images/videos of someone else of the opposite gender that they sexually appreciate without having the desire to cheat on their beloved partner.
In this way, masturbation, extramarital sexual attraction, and honest, rationalistic acknowledgement of these things could even bring a couple closer together as they savor both their own commitment to their spouse and rest in the fact that masturbating to other people of the opposite gender neither conflicts with that commitment nor is in any way Biblically problematic (Deuteronomy 4:2). The body or personality of a favorite celebrity, an attractive coworker, a pleasant acquaintance, or even, in some cases, friend of the opposite gender can be a source of deep, introspective sexual pleasure and yet another thing a couple can both reflect on rationalistically as individuals and discuss, celebrate, or tease about this nonsinful thing with each other as partners.
The urge for married women and men to still stimulate and pleasure their own genitalia while motivated by thoughts of someone outside their marriage can be acted on nonsinfully. Indeed, it is only when objectification (ignoring all but one aspect of someone's humanity, in this case their sex appeal/sexuality), lust (which the Bible defines as coveting the spouse of someone else, something that cannot be done to a single person and that is not the same as even intense sexual attraction), or a desire to actually commit a sinful act like adultery are present that there is anything to condemn. Short of this, married men and women can deeply enjoy the spiritual, emotional, and, yes, relational potential of masturbation together or just enjoy this nonsinful expression of extramarital attraction on their own.
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