Saturday, November 21, 2020

Sexual Expression In Dating

If a desire is natural for an individual person or humanity as a whole, it does not follow that it is automatically good or permissible in a moral sense to act on or encourage that desire, but it does follow within the Christian worldview that there is nothing either unnatural or sinful about wishing to express sexual feelings for one's partner--whether one is married, engaged, or dating.  The capacity for sexual and romantic feelings, commitments, and behaviors originated from God, not from a psychology fractured by sin.  Indeed, the very first chapter of the Bible entails this.

There is nothing about the common desire to engage in sensual or sexual acts with one's dating partner that contradicts God's initial plan for humans to procreate, or, as Genesis puts it, "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28).  Instead of warring with themselves, Christians can be liberated by realizing that it is natural for most people to have such longings--not in the sense that it they are natural to fallen beings, but in the sense that the Edenic state does not conflict with them.  Casual sex is still contrary to Mosaic Law (Exodus 22:16-17), yet mutual, sincere commitment legitimizes sex between a man and woman.

Perhaps to the great surprise of some, it does not even follow from the notion that all sex outside of a legal marriage is immoral that a couple sins if they pleasure each other in other ways.  Other sexual acts are obviously sexual in nature, yes, but they are not sex itself, so the latter being sinful before a legal marriage would not logically entail the former also being morally wrong in a "premarital" context.  While Exodus 22:16-17 does push many couples who sleep together before marriage towards a formal lifelong relationship, the commitment that grounds a marital relationship is not a Biblical requirement for lesser kinds of interpersonal sexual acts like oral sex [1].

There is also the fact that it would not follow from something like premarital oral sex being sinful that sensual but nonsexual experiences with one's dating partner are likewise immoral, even outside the context of any sort of formally declared emotional commitment.  For example, it would still not be sinful for men and women who only just started dating to display their exposed or fully nude bodies to each other.  When public nudity is already nonsinful as it is [2], it would not be sinful for it to be enjoyed in a dating context, no matter how powerful the sensuality of the experience is.

A dating relationship is therefore not a cage on the Christian worldview, or at least not to the extent that many inside and outside of the church tend to think.  It is a chance for introspection, nonsinful pleasure, and possible sanctification amidst these things.  The presence of strong romantic or sexual feelings, as well as any desire to engage in sensual acts, is not something to be shunned within oneself or within others.  Dating gives Christians the opportunity to explore and perhaps better understand these parts of human life.  If God did not want humans to have sexual attractions and longings of any kind, he would not have created human sexuality in the first place.



[1].  https://thechristianrationalist.blogspot.com/2019/10/premarital-affection.html

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