Consoling The Suicidal

Grim honesty can be much more refreshing than appealing lies, even in a time of great suffering.  Fables can easily lead to more suffering, however benevolent they may be--and thus they can amplify someone's pain rather than diminish it.  When suicidal people are routinely told that "It will get better," they are being promised something that no human can predict with certainty.  Because of this, such a statement is not only fallacious, but it can also rightfully strike people as hollow, simplistic, and unhelpful, especially if they've heard it many times and never had the statement prove accurate.  If they have been told this on numerous occasions and yet never experienced any relief, their sense of despair might be dramatically heightened.

Paradoxically, the most productive conversations one can have with people struggling with suicidal impulses can be conversations where both parties (or however many are involved) acknowledge that there is nothing inherently attractive to all people about life.  This does not mean that there is nothing meaningful about or in life, only that people will not all perceive it as an enjoyable, fulfilling, or rewarding thing.  One person may cherish existence and be puzzled by someone's indifference towards or hatred for life, while another person may resent existence and be puzzled by someone's enjoyment of life.

When each party elevates expressing honesty over mindlessly repeating cliches, they can actually get to the root of the issue more quickly, understand it better, and work towards a solution.  Honest questions and honest answers are what people need, whether or not they want them.  An outsider who has never thought of suicide as desirable or as a positive form of release might be the most unequipped type of person to discuss the topic with someone who is actively considering suicide.  Of course, someone who has never contemplated killing himself or herself can perfectly comprehend the issue itself (intellectually, though not experientially), just as someone who has never been married does not need to get married to perfectly comprehend the subject of marriage.  But people who have never struggled deeply with trials--and all of the emotional, intellectual, and existential aspects of them--might find the notion of desiring death as something unconscionable and thus be ineffective at helping someone else talk through it.

The pain or preferences of a person might lead them to genuinely favor nonexistence over existence.  For those who cannot relate to this, the best course of action is to not trivialize such a preference, or to dismiss whatever intense suffering may have led to it, but to listen to, empathize with, and honestly interact with what a suicidal person says.  Thankfully, encouragement and honesty are not exclusive.  One does not need to displace the other.  Encouragement rooted in dishonesty or an incomplete appraisal of life circumstances, however, can be very damaging indeed, and well-meaning people sometimes need to be told of this.

There are two components of the problem that need to be addressed when someone considers suicide: the personal aspects of the ordeal and the worldview aspects of it.  Both need to be sincerely, directly confronted if healing is to occur--and even confronting them is no guarantee that a person will be cured of suicidal urges.  But to leave either unaddressed is to neglect a major dimension of such a trial, or, indeed, of any significant trial.  If Christians want to truly be prepared to offer legitimate help, and thus more than empty words uttered from an experiential distance, then they must be ready to face both components.  Ignoring either overlooks a crucial dimension of the problem.